This week we are onto the 3rd agreement - Don’t Make Assumptions.

We tend to make assumptions about everything, the problem is that we believe they are the truth.  We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking - we take it personally - then we blame them and react! We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.

 

Often times the big mitote in the human mind creates a lot of chaos which causes us to misinterpret everything and misunderstand everything.  We don’t perceive things the way they are.

 

Ruiz points out 3 ways in which we make assumptions:

1.In our relationships.

Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don’t have to say what we want.  We assume they are going to do what we want.  We know they know us so well.  If they don’t do what we assume they should do, we feel so hurt and say “how could you do that? you should have known”

interesting how the human mind works - we have to justify everything, to explain and understand everything, in order to feel safe.  (A version of control right?)

 

2.We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do.  We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge.  This is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others.  Because we think everyone else will judge us, victimize us, blame us as we do ourselves.  So even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves.  What we really want to do is present our true self to others.

 

3.We make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates a lot of inner conflict.  We over estimate ourselves or under estimate ourselves.

 

The way to keep ourselves from making assumptions is to ask questions of others or even ourselves with an honest appraisal.  Make sure the communication is clear.  If we don’t understand, ask.  It takes a lot of courage to ask questions until we are as clear as we can be and to pause before we are clear.  We want to communicate with others as clearly as we can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.  Also, find our voice to ask for what we want.  The day we stop making assumptions we will communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional energy.  Without making assumptions our word becomes impeccable.  This one agreement can be very transformative for us.

 

All of this brings awareness - awareness of our behavior, and we know this is the first step in changing any behavior, then its acceptance and action.  Taking the action over and over again strengthens our will, nurtures the seed, and establishes a solid foundation for the new habit to grow.  After many repetitions these new agreements will becomes second nature. This, according to the Toltecs, is the path to personal freedom.

 

Well that sounds simple, but geez it is so hard!  I’m not sure about you but for some reason my very active mind makes assumptions and then builds very compelling story lines to back up the story causing lots of needless inner turmoil.  What to do - pause, get quiet, ask questions of myself and then others if applicable.

A helpful tool to help us pause and get curious is Byron Katie’s "The Work” which is based on 4 basic questions:

 

1. Is it true?

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3.   How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4.   Who or what would you be without the thought?

 

Here is a link to a worksheet from her website that may be helpful:

https://thework.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/jyn_en_mod_6feb2019_r4_form1.pdf

 

Try printing out the worksheet and working through the exercise for something you assumed in the past or are assuming right now that is causing internal or external conflict.

 

In the past I had an “I’m Just Saying” section to my weekly writing with what I think are helpful tips for our nutritional, emotional or spiritual self, so here is this weeks….

”I’m Just Saying”……..

This February full moon is called the Snow Moon, and is rising tonight at the peak of our North American winter, symbolizes the challenges we all face when the world seems cold, dark, and stark. 

 

Settle into the illumination of this deep and reflective moon and lets allow ourselves to confront our internal challenges, eliminate unhealthy physical and emotional habits, and release the resentments, resistance, and limiting beliefs that often keep us stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage.   Let this full Snow moon brings a sense of renewal!  Today I Choose to Judge Nothing That Occurs - go deep with non judgmental awareness!!!  What an amazing opportunity for all of us!